Bill Eccles: November 2009 Archives

More Beaker-Related Muppets Fun

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I got one comment about last week’s Muppet video: “I love Beaker!”

So here’s more Beaker. This time, with the “Ode to Joy.”

Is watching this video worth 4 minutes, 46 seconds of your life?

If you like the Muppets and have heard “Bohemian Rhapsody,” then, yes, it is worth 4 minutes, 46 seconds of your life.

(Via GeekDad.)

From an E-mail that is currently in circulation:

  1. Avoid cutting yourself when slicing vegetables by getting someone else to hold the vegetables while you chop. 

  2. Avoid arguments with the females about lifting the toilet seat by using the sink. 

  3. For high blood pressure sufferers, simply cut yourself and  bleed for a few minutes, thus reducing the pressure on your veins. Remember to use a timer.

  4. A mouse trap placed on top of your alarm clock will prevent you from rolling over and going back to sleep after you hit the snooze button. 

  5. If you have a bad cough, take a large dose of laxatives. Then you’ll be afraid to cough. 

  6. You only need two tools in life: WD-40 and duct tape. If it doesn’t move and should, use the WD-40. If it shouldn’t move and does, use the duct tape. 

  7. If you can’t fix it with a hammer, you’ve got an electrical problem . 

I dunno’. What was it that happened in the middle of this animation of county-by-county unemployment?

I can’t seem to think what it might have been…

(via Daring Fireball)

http://www.google.com/hostednews/ap/article/ALeqM5g-uGO7WHIvlMCxNvWJPoUWg5_WHwD9C1C4O80

In a Brick

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My elder son and I were looking at a picture of a memorial brick which has our family’s name on it.

“How do you get ‘in a brick?’” he asked. I explained.

Then my wife said, “Or you can forget to pay Jabba who will hire some bounty hunters to hunt you down and put you in a brick…”

It made my day.

From Regina Brett of cleveland.com, here is some excellent advice. Do go read it.

Now.

(Thanks, Dad!)

But because I know you’re lazy too busy to click on that link and wait for it to load, this is what she wrote (which can be found at the URL above).

Regina Brett’s 45 life lessons and 5 to grow on

By Regina Brett

May 28, 2006, 10:13AM

To celebrate growing older, I once wrote the 45 lessons life taught me. It is the most-requested column I’ve ever written. My odometer rolls over to 50 this week, so here’s an update:

  1. Life isn’t fair, but it’s still good.

  2. When in doubt, just take the next small step.

  3. Life is too short to waste time hating anyone.

  4. Don’t take yourself so seriously. No one else does.

  5. Pay off your credit cards every month.

  6. You don’t have to win every argument. Agree to disagree.

  7. Cry with someone. It’s more healing than crying alone.

  8. It’s OK to get angry with God. He can take it.

  9. Save for retirement starting with your first paycheck.

  10. When it comes to chocolate, resistance is futile.

  11. Make peace with your past so it won’t screw up the present.

  12. It’s OK to let your children see you cry.

  13. Don’t compare your life to others’. You have no idea what their journey is all about.

  14. If a relationship has to be a secret, you shouldn’t be in it.

  15. Everything can change in the blink of an eye. But don’t worry; God never blinks.

  16. Life is too short for long pity parties. Get busy living, or get busy dying.

  17. You can get through anything if you stay put in today.

  18. A writer writes. If you want to be a writer, write.

  19. It’s never too late to have a happy childhood. But the second one is up to you and no one else.

  20. When it comes to going after what you love in life, don’t take no for an answer.

  21. Burn the candles, use the nice sheets, wear the fancy lingerie. Don’t save it for a special occasion. Today is special.

  22. Overprepare, then go with the flow.

  23. Be eccentric now. Don’t wait for old age to wear purple.

  24. The most important sex organ is the brain.

  25. No one is in charge of your happiness except you.

  26. Frame every so-called disaster with these words: “In five years, will this matter?”

  27. Always choose life.

  28. Forgive everyone everything.

  29. What other people think of you is none of your business.

  30. Time heals almost everything. Give time time.

  31. However good or bad a situation is, it will change.

  32. Your job won’t take care of you when you are sick. Your friends will. Stay in touch.

  33. Believe in miracles.

  34. God loves you because of who God is, not because of anything you did or didn’t do.

  35. Whatever doesn’t kill you really does make you stronger.

  36. Growing old beats the alternative - dying young.

  37. Your children get only one childhood. Make it memorable.

  38. Read the Psalms. They cover every human emotion.

  39. Get outside every day. Miracles are waiting everywhere.

  40. If we all threw our problems in a pile and saw everyone else’s, we’d grab ours back.

  41. Don’t audit life. Show up and make the most of it now.

  42. Get rid of anything that isn’t useful, beautiful or joyful.

  43. All that truly matters in the end is that you loved.

  44. Envy is a waste of time. You already have all you need.

  45. The best is yet to come.

  46. No matter how you feel, get up, dress up and show up.

  47. Take a deep breath. It calms the mind.

  48. If you don’t ask, you don’t get.

  49. Yield.

  50. Life isn’t tied with a bow, but it’s still a gift.

"Alleged," My Foot

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You didn’t “allegedly” shoot and kill 13 people when dozens of other people saw you do it. This is the kind of pansy editing and reporting that is done to avoid a lawsuit from the “alleged” shooter’s family, but really does nothing more than exemplify how the media have no backbone anymore.

Big Changes, Little Changes

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The last eleven years have been full of some huge changes in the world. Presidents, wars, terrorism, the Internet… There’s been a lot of big change, and it can all be overwhelming if you think too hard about it.

So I laugh at the happy recognition that change doesn’t have to be big and complex and overwhelming. Other, simpler, more delightful things have changed too, as my my eleven-year-old pointed out the other day when he pulled a paper towel off of an old roll.

He said, “Dad, are paper towels supposed to be this big?”

I’m still smiling.

obscene |əbˈsēn|

adjective

(of the portrayal or description of sexual matters) offensive or disgusting by accepted standards of morality and decency : obscene jokes | obscene literature.

• offensive to moral principles; repugnant : Obama’s election was obscene.

• see this alternate definition

DERIVATIVES

obscenely adverb

ORIGIN late 16th cent.: from French obscène or Latin obscaenus ‘ill-omened or abominable.’

(slightly modified definition from the Apple Dictionary widget)