Bill Eccles: February 2008 Archives

Article here. (But don’t bother clicking.)

Another take: OMG! OMG! OMG! Oh, wait… this happened in 1978?! Talk about your misleading headlines…

Article here.

Another take: Wonder where this statistic came from, ‘cause I counted 100 adults and I didn’t see a single one in prision…

Article here.

Another take: Turkey is a big chicken—no, just kidding—apparently, they got the baste of the Kurds

Article here.

Another take: Microsoft keeps complex edition structure in favor of marketplace confusion, but at a lower price; nobody impressed.

Article here.

Another take: Drink maker tried “Coke-aine,” but some company in Atlanta objected

Article here.

Another take: When the cancellation of the show makes bigger news than the introduction of the show, you know it was a monster of a flop.

Article here.

Another take: Who did what? You don’t say. Nader? He’s still around?

Article here.

Another take: Let’s spend money to investigate whether someone lied to someone who was spending money to investigate something that nobody in the real world cares about in the first place.

The "N Word"

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T. and the boys were working on an art project this past week, part of which involved drawing a picture of an alphabet block. You know the kind, I’m sure.

Well, T. drew the block, rendered nicely in 3-D, and put the “N” on the front. “Now, O., what can we put on the side that starts with ‘N?’”

“Hmmm… how about negotiation?

The mind boggles… nut… necklace… nickel… nose… needle… nail… negotiation?

Article here.

Another take: Microsoft rolls out next-EU-fine-inducing products

Article here.

Another take: Next debate merely to be handholding, campfires and “Kum By Yah”

Article here.

Another take: New market for “digital rectal exam” peripheral opens up

Lessig opts out of run for Congress

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Article here.

Another take: Polls confirm nobody likes fruitcake

Article here.

Another take: If you can’t stand on your own merits, stomp on his.

Article here.

Another take: One Nation, Under God, Indeed!

Article here.

Another take: I wonder if the protesters at least carpooled to Heathrow to protest our most efficient means of transportation.

Article here.

Another take: If you pay the money, it isn’t J. Lo.’s fault—you’re just stupid.

Article here.

Another take: If at first you don’t succeed, or if you don’t succeed a second, third, or even fourth time, give it another try, ‘cause there’s just nobody electable in this year’s election

Stealth Bomber Crashes in Guam

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Article here.

Another take: A B-2 Crashed, But Nobody Saw Nuttin’

Article here.

Another take: TSA Passenger Screening Can’t Possibly Get Worse… Oh, Wait, It Can…

(TSA takes what is a bad understanding of queueing theory and proves they still don’t get it. See my previous rant.)

Article here.

Another take: US Can’t Unload Embassy to Get Out of Balloon Payment

Bill Clinton: Texas and Ohio or Bust

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Article here.

Another take: Bill Clinton: Taxes and Get Hi-o or Breasts

(Sorry. Still don’t see him as any sort of statesman.)

Article here.

Another take: Again, it was a slow news day, so we’re publishing opinions instead.

Article here.

Another take: It was a slow news day, so we’re publishing opinions instead.

U.S. Cuba policy could get new look

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Article here.

Translation: Old, drab Cuba policy could use some flair, freshening

Article here.

Translation: Reuters thinks study recommends scheduling heart attacks for weekdays

(Someone at Reuters didn’t read the article.)

Article here.

Translation: Mandatory gagging at Britney Spears not required; voluntary gagging deemed “enough”

Article here.

Translation: Government finds effective way to reduce size of Medicare rolls

Article here.

Translation: You will soon have the opportunity to vote for Raul!

(Thanks for the idea, Dad!)

Huge beef recall issued

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Article here.

Translation: USDA asks cows to return to slaughterhouse in “orderly fashion;” those needing assistance may use forklifts

Article here.

Translation: Pakistan catches up with US voting procedures

Article here.

Translation: Dad takes the keys away; Kosovo grounded “until you shape up, mister”

Article here.

Translation: Kosovo Moves Out of House, to Get Driver’s License and Register to Vote Next

Article here.

Translation: Lawmakers discover Roger Clemens’ autograph not worth as much on eBay as previously thought

Article here.

Translation: Saying, being… whatever…

Article here.

Translation: Peeing in the ocean not a good idea, even if it does give you that “warm feeling”

Article here.

Translation: Britney Spears’ Dad Tries What He Couldn’t Manage Before

(Just ask K-Fed/Justin/Whassisface…)

'Spiderwick' is a hit

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Article here.

Translation: Spiderwick, Spiderwick, Does Whatever a Spiderwick Does. Can He Swing from a Web? No, He… It Can’t… It’s a… um… I give up

Article here.

Translation: UnitedHealth Denies Itself Coverage for Probe, Forced to Pay Out-of-Pocket

Hillary Sinks in Potomac

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Article here.

Translation: First Ironclad Since Civil War Sinks in Potomac

The Incredible Shrinking Bill, Part 2

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I’ve lost a Felt F3c from around my waist!

(That’s ≈17lbs to those who aren’t in “the know.”)

California's diversity a cue for U.S.

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Article here.

Translation: California diversidad guiarnos para E.U.

Article here.

Translation: Microsoft to singlehandedly push US further into recession with SP1 release to businesses.

Best Buy, Netflix join HD DVD dogpile

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Article here.

Translation: US recession over! Pent-up demand for high-definition video players to be unleashed! Markets to surge! Oil prices to fall! World peace ensured! Food for all the hungry! Jennifer fricking Connelly* to look that much hotter!

* OK, you can substitute in your favorite male star, too.

Article here.

Translation: Thousands of office workers found huddled under desks, in corners, shivering; Crackberry withdrawal blamed

Truth in Labeling

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Picture 4.png

Sometimes the Googlebot makes a mistake. Sometimes, it’s pretty funny!

(It’s the label on the small diagram that’s so funny in case you can’t spot the error.)

Article here.

Translation: Microsoft has made sure you will pay to use their crap. Um, no, never mind. You can still use their crap for free.

Article here.

Translation: It’s not called “pimping” when Hillary put Chelsea out on the campaign trail if nobody pays her.

Article here.

Translation: When you got nuttin’ to lose, you may as well try again…

(No kidding: she’s in jail for trying to kill him the first time and contacts somebody on the outside to try again! What’s odd—as if that weren’t enough—is that her bond was $250K the first time, when she actually poisoned him! and is $750K for this incident, just for trying to contract the killing. So she’s more dangerous behind bars?)

$152 billion boost OK'd for economy

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Article here.

Translation: Give 'em a fish!

All quiet on the Britney Spears front

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Article here.

Translation: Britney’s boobs aren’t saying anything.

Article here.

Translation: You don’t have to worry about waking up in a tub of ice… with a note taped to your forehead… anymore.

Article here.

Translation: Instead of taxing based on how much fuel someone actually uses, say, at the pump, we’ll tax you arbitrarily based on your vehicle’s efficiency. (Sorry if you only drive your Hummer 10 miles a year. Pay up!)

Article here.

Translation: A has-been now-unknown is arrested. For speeding. It is a slow news day.

Article here.

Translation: Beating a dead horse does not make it run better.

Heavy cannabis use 'damages gums'

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Article here.

Translation: It’s awfully hard to brush your teeth if you keep munching the toothpaste.

Article here.

Translation: OMG! OMG! OMG!

And in other completely irrelevant news…. Seriously…

T. called to let me know of a conversation that she and O. had in the car this morning.

O.: Oh, Mom, remember that today is Smoke Wednesday.

T.: What? Smoke Wednesday?

Think… think… think…

T.: Oh, you mean Ash Wednesday?

O.: Yeah! That’s it!

I reflected on the spaghetti-covered plate in the sink, the spaghetti covered sleeve that was a direct result of the spaghetti on the plate, and remembered that he will eventually grow up and that the spaghetti will no longer be a problem. But then, too, neither will we hear of Smoke Wednesdays anymore, either.

There are some days I want my boys to grow up faster. But God designed them to grow up at exactly the right rate. Guess I’ll just have to learn to deal with that.

Another Clinton gets Emotional

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Article here.

Translation: The apple doesn’t fall far from the trees.

Article here.

Translation: Previous mediators who met only with one side has teh fail.

NY: Clinton's Home-Field Advantage

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Article here.

Translation: Home is where the carpetbag is.

Article here.

Translation: Doctors having less illicit sex than usual.

Oh, wait. Sorry, that’s not what this article is about.

(Originally submitted to AFP548.com, a website for Mac server admins and the perpetually curious.)

Hi, everybody!

If you haven’t noticed by now, and chances are you have, you have noticed that OSXS along with Apache can indeed roll and archive logs. What you’ve probably also noticed is that the way Apache rolls logs, and the way OSXS sets it up to roll logs, leave you with a log directory full of log files with seemingly-meaningless numbers appended to the log file names. Furthermore, you’ve also probably noticed is that the darned things don’t just disappear! They keep building up, day after day, week after week, until you go in and manually clean them out.

And that’s a pain.

So why doesn’t OSXS roll logs like it rolls the rest of them? I don’t know. But I particularly like the way that log files roll for other services. The previous log files have their numbers rolled and the current log gets cut and renamed. Sounds simple, right?

Article here.

Translation: Paparazzi looking for something to do for two weeks.

Article here.

Translation: You don’t have to be as bawdy as Britney to bring in the bucks.

Article here.

Translation: And if you don’t vote for one of them, there will be nine more plagues.

Article here.

Translation: What? I didn’t say that… did I?

Article here.

Translation: Senators don’t have enough to do, need hobbies funded by American taxpayers.

Article here.

Translation: NASA to resort to traditional “squeeze it in the suitcase and slam it shut before it pops back out” technique of packing.

Article here.

Translation: American public is too stupid to realize that it ain’t over 'til it’s over.

With Romney and Huckabee within 3% of each other in the polls, this kind of craptastic reporting is exactly what will steer the American public into thinking what the media cows us into thinking.

Article here.

Translation: Keep your mouth off someone else’s junk.

Alternate translation: Merck is not making enough money.

Article here.

Translation: That’s a lot of money for a lot of empty space.

Article here.

Translation: Microsoft found another good thing to ruin.

Article here.

Translation: Corporations with outsource labor in India are hitting Travelocity hard right now.

Here’s the page. (via DaringFireball.net)

Translation: Everything about Windows Vista sucks.